It's time for American Idol!

Welcome to American Idol: All Star Edition. After a grueling challenge to make it to Hollywood, our Top 12 contestants are: Paul McCartney (solo, the Beatles), John Lennon (solo, the Beatles), Bruce Springsteen (solo, E Street Band), Elvis Presley (solo), Freddie Mercury (solo, Queen), Bono (U2), George Strait (solo), Justin Timberlake (solo), Eminem (solo), Johnny Cash (solo), Woody Guthrie (solo), and Michael Jackson (solo, The Jackson 5). Although these twelve are some of the best singers and songwriters ever, only one can be your American Idol.

The first round is... Michael Jackson songs.

In this round, most of the contestants have a solid week, with the top performance coming from (surprise, surprise) Michael Jackson. The bottom 3 consists of George, Woody, and Johnny. Johnny ends up being safe. After a not-so-dramatic pause, so does George. Sorry, Woody, you're going home. It just wasn't a good draw for you.

Next round is the Grand Ole Opry.

All of the country stars are safe, as it's their time to shine. The bottom 3 are Freddie Mercury, Eminem, and Michael Jackson. Will the real AI loser please stand up? Jackson and Freddie just make it. Freddie performs some kind of rock-a-billy song that gets the crowd tapping their feet and clapping along. Jackson does a country-pop. So, good-bye, Eminem.

As a recap, the top 10 is John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen, Elvis Presley, Freddie Mercury, Bono, George Strait, Justin Timberlake, Johnny Cash, and Michael Jackson.

Next round, Motown.

Jackson and Elvis's experience help them and they are easily safe. George Strait, Justin Timberlake, and Johnny Cash are the bottom three. Timberlake is quickly revealed to be safe. Strait was not good, but he can't compare to the tragedy of Johnny Cash trying to do a Motown song. No one was great this week but Johnny just couldn't do it. So with Johnny Cash thrown into the Ring of Fire, we're down to nine.

Next round, currently popular songs.

This ends up being a strong week for most of the contestants. John, Elvis, and Freddie are the ones who struggle. Elvis ends up being safe because he finds a country song to do, and it's enough to save him. It comes down to John and Freddie. Freddie tries to go for something flamboyant and it almost comes back to haunt him. In an upset, however, John gets voted out because most of the audience finds him too odd. Sorry John, the hippie, peace-loving crowd isn't enough to save you. John Lennon goes out in 9th place on American Idol: All-Stars. Saying he was bigger than Jesus hurt him.

So we're down to the Top 8: Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen, Elvis Presley, George Strait, Bono, Freddie Mercury, Justin Timberlake, and Michael Jackson.

Next round, "the year you were born".

Paul: 1942, Bruce: 1949, Elvis: 1935, George: 1952, Bono: 1960, Freddie: 1946, Justin: 1981, Jacko: 1958. The oldest group is hurt a little by this. We have a fairly strong week all around. The bottom three is: Elvis, George and Freddie. In what the judges deem a surprise, Freddie is eliminated after his performance of "Let It Snow" is sharply criticized. He goes too over the top and comes off as too much of a queen.

Next round: Idol at the Movies.

Bottom three ends up being Bono, George, and Elvis. In what ends up being a very strong week, most contestants are able to find a movie song that they can perform (in some cases, almost perfectly, since they did the song.) Elvis quickly ends up being safe and it's George and Bono left. Bono ends up being a little too preachy and loses a few votes. He narrowly loses to George as the country crowd puts him over the top.

Then there were 6: Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen, George Strait, Justin Timberlake, Michael Jackson, and Elvis Presley.

Next round, disco.

Elvis, Jackson, and Justin are fine. Bruce, George, and Paul have some trouble. Bruce's versatility shines as he's the first of the bottom three to be declared safe. Paul and George are both sweating but Paul's overall popularity is just enough to beat out George, who just couldn't come up with the right Disco song. George Strait trying to do disco is just too painful. The Paul Patrol helps pull McCartney through.

Top 5: Rat Pack Standards.

It.s the bottom two now and both Justin and Jackson are in it. Neither one seemed to be able to croon. It all comes down to which one mangles their song worse, and when it comes to mangling songs, no one's better than Justin Timberlake. Jackson ends up just being safe this week.

Then there were four: Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen, Elvis Presley, and Michael Jackson.

Top 4: two songs each, one solo, one duet. Genre is rock music.

Paul and Bruce have formed a bit of an alliance and so quickly decide to duet together. This leaves Elvis with Jackson. Paul and Bruce end up working out well while Elvis and MJ ends up being a little bit of a mess. The age and genre difference is just too much to overcome. They end up being in the bottom 2. It comes down to their solo song, and let's face it, Elvis is better than MJ at solos. Goodbye, Michael.

In a highly anticipated top 3, we have Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen, and Elvis Presley.

Next round is contestant's choice/judge's choice. Two songs, and you can't sing one of your own. In a judge.s choice twist, Paul does an Elvis song, Bruce does a Paul song, and Elvis does a Bruce song. Paul does Jailhouse Rock. Bruce does Hey Jude. Elvis does Born to Run.

Next in this round is their choice. Bruce mixes it up with a soul song which rocks the crowd. He's able to get the crowd up and moving, takes a bit of a chance telling a quick personal story. The judges seem to think it was a bit folksy, though. Elvis, true to his Hawai'ian theme, does "Aloha Oe". Paul goes out on a limb and tries a soft rock song. In this round, Bruce was clearly strongest, Paul was weaker but still good, and Elvis just couldn't get it going. Elvis is criticized for song selection. It hurts him and he ends up being eliminated.

In the American Idol: All-Stars finale, we have two legendary rockers facing off against each other: Paul McCartney, former Beatle, vs. Bruce Springsteen, leader of the E Street Band.

The last round is made up of three songs, the first of which is the contestant's favorite (other than one of theirs.) Coin flip determines who gets the decision of going first or second. Paul ends up going first, then Bruce. Paul ends up doing Imagine. Springsteen does Johnny B. Goode. Both perform their respective songs well, and so far, at an even keel. Paul does a slow moving version of Imagine (which is technically a Beatles song, and not one of his), and Springsteen does what he does best and wows the crowd with an energetic performance.

Next song is producer's choice. Paul gets a country song. He ends up struggling a little bit but gets through it alright. Bruce gets classic rock -- Kiss. Ends up really rocking out to "Rock and Roll All Night". Springsteen has the slightest of advantages going into the final song -- one of their own singles.

Paul does Let It Be and Bruce does Rosalita. This was a good choice by Bruce in staying away from any of his overtly political songs. He goes with it because he believes it's his best song. However, Rosalita is far less well-known than some of his other songs. But he likes the energy it brings. This causes the audience to stop and actually listen to the song, the melody, and the music rather than the lyrics. Paul is able to ride the coattails of Let it Be to a shootout at the finish. He gets the crowd chanting "Let it be, let it be".

This is the closest finale in American Idol history. It.s one of the most watched and has one of the highest vote counts. Ryan announces that less than 10000 votes, out of over 250,000,000 cast, decided the winner. Since we're so close, we go to commercial break (to add tension and annoy the hell out of people.)

Now back from commercial, Bruce and Paul team up for one last duet. The lights dim. Ryan opens the envelope. "Your American Idol All-Star... for 2009... is..." "BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN!" And the crowd goes wild. Paul congratulates him.

Bruce looks pleasantly shocked, Paul is nodding as if he expected it all along (which of course he didn't.) It ended up being crazy close but Bruce just spoke more to the audience. Bruce takes the mic and delivers a ten-minute personal address to the millions watching at home, most of whom miss it because their DVR's have kicked off by now.

He closes with the line, "I may be your American Idol, but it's folks like you that make me proud to be in the American Land!" The band starts playing, and "American Land" serves as the outro for the season. It ends up being a perfect example of why he won and how much he loves America. The audience eats it up, leading this season of American Idol to be one of the most critically acclaimed in the show's history.

Thus ends the craziest conversation that Andrew Swiglo and Travis Darling have ever had.

This article ©2009 Andrew Swiglo and Travis Darling. All rights reserved.
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